dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
