i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
