it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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