I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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