Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
