yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
