oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
