what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
