ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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