Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
