at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
