a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
