You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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