I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
