I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
