the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
