Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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