She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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