I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
