What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
