Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
