Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it glows. i had to have it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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