My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
