He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize