DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
