He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
