that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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