My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
