My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
