when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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