its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
