Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
