I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
