Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
