When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
