you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
