did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
