I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
