he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
