whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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