Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
