I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
