Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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