Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
