I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
