You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
