I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
