its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
