I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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