wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
