I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
