i just google imaged poop.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
