listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
