Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
