New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
