Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
